Terminal Rollitis
If you recall an era before I used the shift key, you might have read about my brilliant idea a number of months ago.
Well, it shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone that the project never took flight. I simply didn’t have the motivation anymore, nor the money or man power. There was a brieft moment this summer, though, where I was feeling particularly bored and started to write the first 20 seconds of the screenplay. I was fumbling around with it tonight, fixing a few things about it that I wasn’t happy with, and decided that my viewership, as non-existant as it might be, may be interested in reading what I did come up with.
So without further monkey business, I now present to you…. the first 20 seconds of Terminal Rollitis - The Mockumentary.
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In a classroom, with hybrid chair-desks, Eddie Gilder sits, copying down notes from a teacher. He seems average. He does not stand out from the rest of the class. He is writing. The camera is viewing him from below the desk-line and angled diagonally upwards, Eddie towards the top right of the screen.
Narrator: Eddie Gilder is a physics major in his third year of college. He enjoys comics, chess, fantasy football and poker.
There is a brief montage of pictures of Eddie with his friends, doing typical college things. He is outside a house, with two male friends. He appears to be standing, but upon closer inspection he is actually be propped up by them, his arms around their necks. Everyone is happy. In another photo he’s sitting on a couch, legs up on small table, playing videogames. He is focused. In a third photo we see Eddie lying on the grass next to Jessica, his girlfriend. There are two red cups in the corner, typical of college parties – they are not drunk, but perhaps buzzed.
Narrator: According to his friends he’s a “typical guy” who enjoys hanging out late, sleeping in, and loves to take in the party atmosphere of college life. When told this, Eddie laughs it off, and reminds us of his condition…
The fourth photo in the montage is one of Eddie, wearing his back pack, rolling down a hill, his friends next to him, also wearing backpacks. Everyone seems happy, no one thinking Eddie’s position is out of the ordinary.
Narrator: – terminal rollitis, or T.R. – the rolling disease that effects 1 in 5,000.
We cut to a slide labeled at the top “Terminal Rollitis.” As the narrator speaks, the following appears bulleted on the slide, as a fact sheet, timed in concordance with what the narrator is saying.
Terminal Rollitis is a disease that affects the entire body.
Terminal Rollitis is not apparent at birth.
It becomes apparent at the age when children would normally begin to crawl.
There is currently no cure for T.R.
Rollitis itself is not terminal
Narrator: Terminal Rollitis is a disease that affects the entire body. Symptoms include loss of muscle control throughout the entire body when in transport and difficulty standing. Terminal Rollitis is not apparent at birth and is most commonly diagnosed at the age children would normally begin to crawl. Currently there is no cure for Terminal Rollitis. Rollitis itself is not deadly, but it has been called terminal due to the fact that side effects such bone damage, bruises, cuts and scrapes have in all cases inevitably lead to fatality before the age of 40.
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Alright. It’s a start. Probably an end too. I mean, Eddie Gilder… I suck at making up names.
