Fri
Nov
14
Tales of Childhood, Pt. 1
A few things about childhood that I feel I need to be a little bit more clear about, for my own sake:
- For some reason, a few years ago, I started telling people when the subject came up, that children’s book author Tomie DePaola had visited my school as a child. I realize now that that was not at all the case. DePaola visited the children on an episode of Barney. I was visited at school by some author I can’t remember, because he clearly wasnt that famous or good. If you were one of my victims, I sincerely apologize.
- A few weeks ago when I was drunk I peed in an empty soup can, because I was impatient and someone else was in the bathroom. The other night I was in bed, reflecting on my stupidity, when I realized it was not the first time I was in a scenario like this. Once, as a child, when my mom punished me she specifically told me to stay in my room and not come out for anything. To spite her, I peed in a bucket. Take that? I don’t know what happened to the bucket, but the soup can was promptly emptied into the sink and thrown away. Who knows what I’ll pee in next?
- Thinking about peeing in the bucket reminded me of another childhood tale. I once tried running away from home, probably for some stupid reason - I can’t remember, maybe my mom would. Anyway, I remember crying, while packing my little brown suit case with everything I thought I would need. Socks, underwear, and well… I can’t specifically recall packing anything else. When I announced I was running away my mother opened the door and let me go. I made it about 75 feet before breaking down in tears and running back home. For some reason this memory feels important and stands out to me. Maybe I will paint a picture of it.
I enjoy writing about my childhood, now that I’m starting to realize the generation gap has gotten large enough between myself and children today. I am ancient history, and my stories have ruminated long enough within me that I realize should start to think about them more. My anecdotes, like a fine wine, get better with age. I hope to one day write another edition of…. Tales of Childhood! (That was supposed to be said in the voice of the Futurama narrator when he says, “Tales of Interest” in the Anthology of Interest episodes.”
Thank you.
