Pity The Fool
I’m going to try to be as vaguely descriptive as possible, for reasons I will explain if you choose to read further.
I started my second student teaching placement today. One of the students has a 1:1 aide, an older (late forties, early fifties) black gentleman who helps him out during the day. I am pretty sure he is one of the most interesting people I will ever meet in my entire life, and this is having known him for just a few hours, after a few brief conversations.
So I’m sitting in class, and we’re about 10 minutes into the day, when he walks into the room. He immediately shakes my hand, a firm grip, and something feels weird. He’s missing two fingers. Alright. That’s fine. I’m not going to ask, although I feel like there might be an interesting story behind the lacking digits. He introduces himself to me, in a deep, gravelly voice. It’s almost croup-esque, like he’s actually gargling pebbles as we speak. Very intimidating.
He’s dressed for success. Clearly a man of good taste. Nice pants, shiny shoes, a sweater that probably cost more than everything I was wearing, slick leather jacket and hat ensemble, and one of the craziest wristwatches I’ve ever seen. It might have been made of pure diamond or something - who knows?
Anyway, this man has clearly left an impression on me after just a few minutes. It gets better.
Lunch time I’m talking with my teacher about the other adults in the classroom, and she mentions Mr. T. Apparently he worked at the school 7 years ago, and this his first year back in the building. She said he “might” be a reverend of a pastor or something. She wasn’t quite sure. The fact that you can not be sure about something like that is just ridiculous, based on the fact that I don’t see where the miscommunication comes in. Is it like a Rev Run type thing, where he’s a rapper, but a Rev? Is Rev Run even a Rev? I think so, but don’t quote me.
She tells me that Mr. T often leaves the classroom to take important phone calls, (God, maybe?) which she finds distracting and she would like to talk to him about it. I get the feeling she doesn’t know how to go about it, though, and honestly I don’t blame her.
After lunch he returns to the classroom with a toothpick in his mouth. This will remain there the rest of the afternoon.
So we’re doing a read aloud with the class, a story about possums and magic, or something like that, when all of a sudden from the corner of the room, we hear snoring. Mr. T is sitting at one of the kid’s desks, seated upright, sleeping, snoring - WITH THE TOOTHPICK STILL IN HIS MOUTH. How crazy is that?! I can’t even make this up.
The other 1:1 aide in the class throws a highlighter at him, hits, and he wakes up, startled. He realizes his situation, and just chuckles deepy to himself. I don’t know how anyone can get away with this, but if he writes a book about his life, or advice he has for the world I want to read it.
Anyway, I have come to the conclusion that this man will either a) somehow be involved in my death, or b) save my life. It’s gotta be one of those extremes. This is a man who deals in extremes. I cannot wait to spend my next 7 weeks with him (or can I?)
I realize now that I’ve not been nearly as vaguely descriptive as I intended. If somehow Mr. T finds this, spare me, please! Seriously. None of this is meant offensively. I might worship you.
This story reminds me of a character from my childhood that I want to share with you. Before Gamestop became the monopoly for videogame stores, there was a Funcoland in my town. The manager of this Funcoland was a really tough looking bald guy. Buying a game at the store one day, he handed me the videogame when I noticed his hand. He was missing his thumb. I believe this was some kind of warning for children - Play too many videogames and your thumbs will be destroyed!!! Or something like that. Anyway, when Gamestop took over, he was fired, quit, kidnapped, etc., and was never seen from again - by me. I believe the powers that be at Gamestop must have realized the delicious irony in a thumbless videogame salesman and vanquished of him to a universe where stores don’t have senses of humor.
End.
