Someone needs to write a book on proper open-fly etiquitte. There are just so many situations where people find themselves caught with their pants down, pun intended.
In one example, I look back at my student teaching experience. There was a boy in a 5th grade class, who constantly, all day, every day, had his fly down. It just got kind of frustrating. Obviously, you want to spare the child the embarassment, so you pull him aside quietly and tell him in private. You don’t make a big deal out of it. Just a little “psst” should do. Of course, when you quietly whisper “XYZ” and he looks at you with a blank stare, you realize subtlty might not be the best approach.
Eventually, I explained to the boy what XYZ stood for. This didn’t work though. He seemed to always forget to zip up. I decided to take a more furtive approach. One day, after school I took the boy aside and brought him into the bathroom. (Oh god, this story is starting to sound awfully incriminating.) In the bathroom, I showed him (oh god, oh god!) that I had taped up (wtf?) an index card with a big red letter “X” on it, at eye level, on the back side of the bathroom door (whew, that was close). The “X” of course standing for x-amine, so he could of course remember to zip up when returning to class.
For some reason, he didn’t appreciate this. He persisted to walk into class on a regular basis with his fly down, and when asked to fix it, now not as subtly, he just shrugged it off and said his zipper was broken. On every pair of pants.
There are ways of dealing with problems, and there are ways of solving problems. I suppose there are just some people who would prefer to shoot the breeze, pun intended.
This issue, I should mention, came to my attention, during an english class today, when I realized that my older, male professor was pontificating with his fly down. I couldn’t focus in class, because it was just… too distracting. Every moment, hoping, praying that his gangly old wing wang wouldn’t pop out in the middle of a discussion about naturalism in modern drama. I just wanted him to keep his Ibsen in Chekhov.
How can that situation be dealt with, though. In my twisted mind, it’s not something you can look past. The situation needed to be dealt with immediately. I considered being really obvious in passing a note, that he would have to intercept when he saw how obvious it was. The note of course, would just say “XYZ” on it, and he would get the message, and quickly fix it. Too contrived.
I mean - you don’t want to embarass a teacher in front of his or her class. I know that from experience. It’s just emasculating, and while he is a veteran who could easily deal with it, I couldn’t overtly tell him. I left the class relieved, but nervous. He made it through class without any sign of escaping, but I could only hope that he caught it before going to his next class. I just wish I could see the look on his face when he realizes that naturalism isn’t just what he’s teaching.
